This post was most recently updated on May 18th, 2015
I have a lot few pet peeves: Poor grammar and other language blunders; people who insist on telling me the entire plot of a movie or TV show; having to repeat myself because the object of my conversation wasn’t paying attention … these are some of the top things that irritate me beyond reason. Lately, well, for about the past 11 years or so, there has been one peeve that is only visited upon me by my lovely daughter. But it is so aggravating, so maddening – it can drive me almost to a rage in an instant.
She was blessed with a pair of huge, beautiful blue eyes – eyes the color of a cloudless summer sky. And while they are one of her loveliest features to be sure, they are also the source of the *thing* that makes me crazy. From the time she was old enough to understand the word “no,” she has developed what her father and I call “The Look.” And whenever she is told something she doesn’t wish to hear, or asked a question that could possibly result in her being in trouble, she gives us The Look. Basically, she just stares at us with those huge blue eyes, unblinking, with an expression of such complete lack of comprehension – I wonder sometimes if she has suddenly stopped understanding English. It’s her defense mechanism, aimed at giving her time to come up with some excuse for why she did/did not do whatever she was supposed/not supposed to do. And even though I know The Look for what it is, it still makes me want to scream in frustration.
We’ve discussed The Look at length, her father and I. We’ve discussed it with her at length, as well. We have heard from other people that she never gives anyone else The Look. It’s something special she reserves just for us, I guess. We’ve asked her why doesn’t she just answer the question, or acknowledge her mistake or whatever it is that prompted The Look in the first place. She doesn’t know. She never knows. Or at least she’s not sharing. Once in a great while, someone outside our family will be witness to The Look. Her first grade teacher saw it once after a playground disagreement gone awry and her dance instructor was on the receiving end of The Look last spring when our daughter and one of her friends were getting too rowdy during class. While I take some comfort in having the confirmation that The Look does exist (and that I’m not just making slanderous accusations at such a sweet-faced little darling), it’s small consolation. The Look continues to frustrate and perplex me.
I have spoken to friends whose daughters are of similar age and friends whose daughters are grown, trying to understand The Look. I’ve been told to just ignore it, she will outgrow it. It’s been suggested that she needs more one on one time with me – The Look is an attention-getter. Some have even said we need to be stricter with her, that The Look is a deliberate and intentional rebellion that we need to squelch immediately. What my husband and I have decided is that we love her, she’s our child, and it’s our responsibility to help her become a productive, happy, well-adjusted adult. To help her reach adulthood safely, we continue to discuss The Look with her and have shared with her how upsetting it is when she focuses it on us. We told her just today that when she aims The Look our way, we want to thump her. (We don’t, we just think about it.) But we did challenge her to seek an alternative countenance when dealing with her parents. At this time, I think anything would be preferable to The Look. But with my luck, her new choice will be something much, much worse. And will probably be accompanied by snippy attitude, foot-stomping, sassy-mouth or all of the above. Whatever she comes up with, or even if she chooses to stick with the tried and true Look, I will continue to make sure and end each discussion, disciplinary action, argument or outright fight by telling her how much I love her and how everything is going to be fine. Really, that last bit is more for me than her.
The Look is one of my biggest pet peeves. But when she’s all grown up and The Look is history, or better yet, something she is receiving from her own daughter (hee hee), I know we will look back on it as something precious and priceless from her childhood and it will no longer be a source of irritation for me. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about those who don’t know when to use ‘there’, ‘their’, or ‘they’re’.
